Silence and fear controlled that night. We were gathered in a dark small room on the ground floor, which is the nearest to the outdoors. With pale faces and shaky hands, we were waiting for what was coming.
After many tries, I finally fall asleep, taking an aspirin as the only solution to relax my body. However, it didn’t last long. My brother had to wake me up with eyes turgid with fear, asking me to contact my best friend and our neighbor lama . Without questions, I immediately sent her a message, but I did not receive a reply.
Then my brother explained that his friend told him there was a home behind us that was threatened to be bombed. At first, we thought that his friend was kidding, but my dad called my friend’s father and it turned out that he was right.
Nobody loves wars. It is the worst. The 2021 war was the most violent for me, and of course, for a lot of Gaza citizens.
I am telling the story of a night that I cannot forget. Hardly breathing, biting my nails, clutching my cat, and looking around with horror, I was sitting in the corner. The idea of losing my family, my friends, and my cat was taking over me. At that moment, all I was thinking about was my family. I wanted them all in one room so whatever happens, let it happen to all of us. Together.
Every second one of us asks about the time while my brothers were walking back and front in the small room holding their phones. The siren's wail forces me to bite my nails even harder.
Even though I tried to relieve that pressure by reading a book, my trembling hands could not hold it . After a while, my brother came and told us about our neighbors. Some of them were evacuating the next-targeted house, helping their three children with disabilities, and others who could not find a place to go to. Others did not want to go anywhere as they were sitting on the sidewalk waiting to return to their houses.
After these tragic moments, I felt alive again as lama replied to my messages telling me that she went to her grandfather’s house with her family. We had a chat together which was the best thing to relieve all my stress. She told me about the children who were screaming, how nobody can see the others in the street, and also, their fear of turning on the flashlight.
Indeed, the thing that she was worried about the most was losing her house again and spending another few months renting houses until they can afford to build a new house. She lost her house before in the 2014 war. Therefore, she knows, exactly, what it is like to be homeless and to lose all the memories in a house that was full of love and joy.
Tick tock. Tick tock. The clock rings. It is 3:00 in the morning, and we were still sitting and trying to keep our eyes open. I spent the time watching my little niece Dania hearing her laughter and she was jumping up and down. I think this is her way of expressing her feelings about what was happening that night. I am sure she was aware a little bit of it.
My thoughts control me. I spend the whole time thinking about what is going to happen. Which part of our house is going to be destroyed? Is there anyone who will be hurt? Will it happen again? What if the target gets missed?
I can’t neglect my little cat Snow. I was holding her, thinking about her, and wondering if I can look after her, or if I will forget her due to fear and stress.
The dawn comes, and nothing happened. After this calm, all my brothers and their wives returned to their apartments, but I refused to go there. I did not want to leave. So, my dad and I slept in that dark room not only that night, but also stayed there until the war ended. I cannot forget that night at all. Furthermore, I am still sinking in the idea of what if that threat took action. I believe that this was a call made by a group of Jewish people to scare us. This is a sort of psychological war. It has severe effects on our souls and minds.
